She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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