I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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