ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
