My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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