So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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