Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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