So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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