Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
