Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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