shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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