Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
