Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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