I smell stomach acid.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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