guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
When are your genitals available?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
