dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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