I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
