Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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