The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
