we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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