Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
