i already hear my dad disowning me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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