do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
His nipple licking is glorious
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