first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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