My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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