VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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