I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
