I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
