Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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