this beer tastes like vomit already
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
