kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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