no, he came in my armpit
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize