Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
