my phone needs a breathalizer
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
