Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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