I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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