I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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