I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
