i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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