As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize