Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
