I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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