ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
