I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
