We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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