shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
