the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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