I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
