Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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