I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
