Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
