found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
