It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
