i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
