We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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