I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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