Sry I called you an 8
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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