i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
