You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
