It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
