I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
