You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
