Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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