We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
