32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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