then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
