he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
