remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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