After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
