Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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