Jerry, you need to find god
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
