im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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