Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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