so that wasnt chicken after all
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
