batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
