we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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