Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
